10 tips on how to be a great expat!

Today's blog-every-day-in-May challenge topic? "Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)."

Yeah, um... so going back to yesterday's post about feeling useless... This topic makes me feel even more useless. What do I do, or know, well enough to teach you? I considered advice on writing (can't be taught), photography (I take pretty pictures, but don't know what half those little buttons on my camera do), parenting (I'm hardly an expert), how to maintain an enormous iTunes music library (who doesn't?). And then it came to me. As I sarcastically thought to myself, "hey, I'm pretty good at being busy doing nothing," it occurred to me: I'm a pretty good expat! I've got two years under my belt at one of the roughest expat assignments in the world... literally! CNN aired a ranking of the worst countries to work, and Nigeria was number one (excluding war zones of course).

Being one of the worst places to work does not necessarily make Nigeria the worst place to live, at least for an expat. For one thing, we are well provided for. We live among Nigeria's wealthiest citizens in relatively comfortable and spacious homes. We have drivers, security, private schooling and other perks. We also get paid well (that is, Michael does). But the biggest upside of Lagos is the expat community itself. We are a family. We take care of each other. We catch each other when we fall and lift each other up. Hardly a weekend goes by that we are not in each other's homes 'til the wee hours of the morning laughing our hineys off like a pack of teenagers.

The downside of Lagos is that it is dangerous. There is violent crime, kidnapping and terrorism. It is not safe for expats to walk the streets. You can, and some do, but you are inviting crimes of opportunity and even police harassment. Spending hours in traffic and inching along unpaved, pock-marked roads as beggars tap your window is part of daily life. And the poverty and corruption are staggering and depressing. So is the heat, come to think of it.

Given the ups and downs, how do you make it work? Here are my 10 tips for being a successful expat (specifically, non-working expat spouse) in Lagos:

1. Turn your home into a sanctuary. Keep it cool. Keep it comfortable. Surround yourself with the comforts of your home country, whether that be furniture, music, movies, photographs, toys, books, blankets... whatever. After spending three hours shopping in rat- and roach-infested shops, and getting carsick from the heat and traffic, and being shocked by scenes of poverty, violence and filth on your drive home, you'll be worn thin. Come home, close the shades, pop in your favorite DVD and recover. Your family will need to do the same. Make sure your home is set up to do just that.
2. Get out there. Your home is your sanctuary, but if you spend too much time in it, you will go nuts. So find something to get involved with. Obviously, there are plenty of volunteer and charity organizations that need help. If you can't do the hands-on charity thing (i.e. wiping snot from the noses of motherless babies), then get involved on the fundraising side of things. There is a ladies organization for just about every nationality represented in Lagos' expat community. Start there until you find your niche. Then keep busy.  
3. Make friends. It's harder than you think, or harder than you remember. Normally, you make friends one by one... organically. You make a friend in school or at the office, among your neighbors. It's a slow, natural process. But plunking yourself down in a new country means you are completely friendless just when you need your friends more than ever. The best advice I can give is to say yes whenever someone invites you anywhere. You may be uncomfortable and awkward in a new social setting, but chances are also good that you will find someone you clique with. Get their phone number and meet for coffee. Pour your heart out at that first meeting and if she reciprocates, then, bam! You've got a new friend. Build from there. She'll introduce you to her friends and before you know it, you have a network to rely on. 
4. Don't drink too much. It's easy to do. Life in Lagos is stressful, and there are lots and lots and lots of parties. In the absence of your extended family and with hardly any chores or home improvement projects to occupy your weekends, you spend more time with your friends than ever before and, most of the time, that means wine or beer or cocktails (or champagne!). Enjoy it responsibly. There is nothing fun or cool about parenting with a hangover.
5. Ask for help. No matter how busy your days or how comfortable your home, you will, eventually, lose it. This is not a sign of weakness. It is to be expected. It's called culture shock. Tell your friends how you feel. They've been there. Or if they haven't, they will get there. And if they don't, they're lying. Pity them. 
6. Buy groceries on Thursday. That's when the shops receive their shipments from overseas, so you can find such delicacies as green beans and iceberg lettuce.... all at twenty bucks a pop, of course, but hey, girl's gotta eat! And you will never appreciate a pint of strawberries more than when you have just spent $20 on them.
7. Visit the mainland. Most of us are banned from the mainland without a security escort. So bring an escort if you must, but go to the mainland. It reminds you that Lagos is a real, bustling, productive, crazy city. The "islands"(Victoria Island, Banana Island, Lagos Island, Ikoyi, Lekki) are bizarre—everyone is behind glass in black SUVs or behind eight-foot walls topped with barbed wire. It just doesn't feel like real life. I don't know how else to describe it. So visit the mainland, or better yet, explore Nigeria beyond Lagos. (Great advice from someone who hasn't done that herself, but I have the best of intentions and a stockpile of good excuses.) The Nigerian Field Society offers great opportunities to explore Lagos and beyond.  
8. Find a hobby. Social events and volunteer projects can only fill up so much time. Quilt, paint, write a blog, practice yoga, run, take up stitching, plan your next vacation, play tennis, take dance classes, become a gourmand, whatever! Anything that keeps you busy and productive. It will be good practice for retirement.  
9. Travel. Lagos is a great base for exploring Africa, the Middle East, Europe and southeast Asia. And if you're lucky, your employer provides some kind of travel benefits. Take lots of pictures. 
10. Go home. Dorothy's right. There is no place like home. I mean home-home... the place from whence you came. Go home at least once a year. When you are home, you know what to expect, and you understand what is expected of you. Being in a strange culture throws you off balance. Go home and regain that balance. Then come back again and start the balancing act all over again.