Paparazzi.

Lagos is a world-class city. It boasts a polo club, yacht club, extravagant mansions, expensive cars, fashion designers, celebrities, socialites, and other beautiful people with jet-setter lifestyles. All these beautiful people attract paparazzi. And from time-to-time—when I find myself mingling with the beautiful people—I get mistaken for said beautiful people and paparazzi want to take my picture as I walk into an event.

It's bizarre. "Stop! Smile! Look this way, beautiful!"

Who, me? What a joke.

Nevertheless, I am determined to play my part. Which means that I need to perfect my "red-carpet pose."

What is that, you may ask? Reese Witherspoon knows what I mean. As does Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Hudson, Victoria Beckham and Megan Fox.

Here are a few go-to poses:

The over-the-shoulder look.
This pose says "the back of my dress is the best part, and da*n my a** looks good!"
[Profanity censored for the sake of my Aunt Myra. Sorry, Myra! I try so hard to be good! ; )]

The sideways pose.
"If you thought I looked skinny head-on, check me out from the side."

One-foot-in-front-of-the-other-with-hands-on-hips pose.
"I have great hips and skinny ankles!" 

Even Tina Fey gets into the action with her one-armed "one-foot-in-front-of-the-other" pose,
with a dash of "looking coyly through my eyelashes" thrown in.

The "my skirt has a slit... see?" pose.
If she leans back any further, she will fall over.

The "I have no waist, but if I raise one shoulder and drop the other,
I may be able to fake it" pose. 

I'll be practicing on front of a mirror on a daily basis 'til I get it right. The paparazzi will be dazzled. The next time you're in the grocery aisle flipping through the pages of Us magazine, keep an eye out for me.