Green bean.
My friend Asha has been blogging for eight months. I have been blogging for a year-and-a-half. Guess who has the most page views ... by a lot!?
Here's a hint... It ain't me.
And like every writer who secretly suspects that she's a fraud, I am jealous. Jealous of Asha's natural talent. Jealous of how easy she makes it look. Jealous of the brilliant inner life she has. She beats herself up for not being more productive, but there's something she doesn't get. She is productive! Her body is spending its energy on creativity! Forget a tidy house... what I wouldn't give for her mind!
And, dammit, that pisses me off.
So, please... charitable friends and family who are kind enough to read my blog and tell me how great I am. STOP. Don't even bother. I have seen great. And I am not there yet.
But at least I have something to aspire to.
Here's a hint... It ain't me.
And like every writer who secretly suspects that she's a fraud, I am jealous. Jealous of Asha's natural talent. Jealous of how easy she makes it look. Jealous of the brilliant inner life she has. She beats herself up for not being more productive, but there's something she doesn't get. She is productive! Her body is spending its energy on creativity! Forget a tidy house... what I wouldn't give for her mind!
And, dammit, that pisses me off.
So, please... charitable friends and family who are kind enough to read my blog and tell me how great I am. STOP. Don't even bother. I have seen great. And I am not there yet.
But at least I have something to aspire to.
um...hi.
ReplyDeletecan i share a story?
after going to your house and learning about your blog, i read every post. then i was so DEPRESSED, i took to my bed. i thought about quitting. you are a great writer. you are logical. you make sense. you convey information with clarity. i can't do that. when i read your grocery post, i was jealous. i could barely remember the names of the shops moments after i said goodbye to you and ade.
i told my husband that it was clear you had spent many years working outside of the home and you were competent. i was jealous of that, too, because i am a semi-functional crazy person.
instead of quitting, i said to myself that there was room for both our blogs--and lots more--in this town. and if we became great friends, i could enjoy your big brain and thoughtfulness in other arenas of my life. so that's what i did.
in summation...don't feel bad that we do different things. we're different. but i'm cool with that.
now let's run through a field holding hands like they would in a movie. or since this is lagos, a traffic filled street.
xoxo
You are awesome. I love you.
ReplyDeletethank god. you're my only friend in this country.
ReplyDeleteSusan - you're nuts. And I log in and leave messages! I'm trying girl! I LOVE finding out what's going on with you and Michael and the kids. I am so amazed at how you've embraced life in freakin AFRICA! Good lord! About 13 - 17 years ago I worked for an Oil & Gas company that was trying to establish production in Nigeria. I had to book flights for Frank, and quite Frankly - thought we were NUTS to be sending this guy there. And there you are!
ReplyDeleteYou are most brave and awesome, and I shall log in daily and leave notes soyou can BEAT ASHA! (Sorry Asha!)
deb
Thanks, Deb. Yes, I get your comments, and, in my mind, I am having conversations with you, but failing to let you in on my side of the convo! Sorry about that. ; )
ReplyDelete